Almost every marriage starts out as a huge celebration. None of the spouses can think, imagine, or even dream of them having heated conflict to an extent of not talking to each other for a moment, a day, or even a week. The scaling rate of marital conflicts, separations, and divorces testify to the fact that living in a happy and fulfilling marriage is by the grace of God. Below is a list of some of the issues that cause conflicts in our marriage. You may have other causes of conflict kindly leave a comment below to share with others.
Many couples argue and even quarrel over their money, how to spend, overspending, one of the spouses not revealing to the other the family income, spending money secretly, one partner controlling all the income of the family, buying things without plan and putting the family into debts.
The frequency, how many times should the couple relate, how long should they relate. What methods and styles should they use, infidelity, unfaithfulness by either of or both couples, one partner denying the other conjugal rights, the other partner forcing other into sexual act.
Poor and unacceptable relationship to parents, in laws, brothers and sisters and to other relatives. A relationship that ignores, disregards and persecutes the other spouse. This may include releasing family secrets to relatives, sending money or property to parents or siblings without involving your partner. Allowing too much freedom to relatives in matters of your family.
4. Poor or no communication
The spouses do not talk out their mind. They do not express what they feel, need, think or know. And when one talks it is not communicating but commanding, directing or informing.
How to discipline them, the type of food they should be given, things they should or should not know or see, especially in TV programs and other parenting issues.
One of the spouses, mostly men they are ever out on tight programs, coming home late and leaving early. Sometimes the husband and even the wife travel outside the country for a long time. When he or she comes they have no time for the other nor for the family issues.
Having questionable people attached to a spouse, people whose marriages and families are in shambles, people who are really poisonous to a good relationship.
8. Domestic chores
Many couples, not planning for what they should do at home the wife mostly left with all burdens while the man is just loitering and roaming around. One of the spouses does not take or bear responsibility over his/her family.
9. Formed habits
One spouse has habits which are irritating and bothersome to the other, and the individual does not like or wish to change, learn or even to be advised on the same issues
One of or both the spouses expect too much from the other regardless of conditions, situations or ability of one fulfilling those expectations. This may include financial, social, education, religious or even sexual.
11. Personality conflict
One partner does not really like how the other dresses, talks, and handles issues not because the spouse does poorly according to the expected standards but because the other has a picture of a good husband or wife. He/she has a type of a personality in mind who he/she does not see in the partner.
12. The family background
Where the spouse came from may bring a conflicts. Were the parent’s divorced, separated, single parent, quarrelsome, don’t care? All can make a spouse to be problematic to the other in their marriage.
13. Difference in Faith
When the couple has two different religious faiths, their union is bound to have some conflicts. This is mostly if a Sabbath keeper will marry a Sunday keeper or a Christian married to a person who practice no faith in God.
14. Different levels of education
This may be a surprise to many. But the truth of the matter is many marriages today have lots of conflicts, just because the wife is more educated than the man, she has a better paying job, a better and more honorable office or possibly has a better car. The man may have inferiority complex making him to be submissive to the wife or the wife may develop superiority complex over the husband thus overturning the family government.
15. Control Mentality
Here one of the spouses or both of them wishes to control the other in all matters, food, dress, friends, sex, money. The partner has no freedom whatsoever. The other person feels enslaved and caged.
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16. Repeated Mistakes
Either one or both the spouses repeat the same mistakes that they had already solved and agreed not to do them, only to see them being repeated and it seems intentionally and arrogant.
17. Keeping Special Secrets
Here the household or the wife has special secrets which he/she would not like the partner to know. This is mostly in regards to money or people of the opposite sex. If a man or a woman does not wish the spouse to handle his/her cell phone at all costs, then that raises an eye brow. It is an indicator that the spouse may be having affairs.
18. Careless Talk
One of the spouses is a careless talker. He/she can talk or speak anything to anybody, on all matters, including his/her family and more so the spouse. This definitely can bring a conflict or conflicts when the other spouse discovers it.
19. Pre – Marital Sex
It is a surprise to many couples to know and learn that they can have conflicts if they had sex before they actually married. This is so because when they related together as a husband and the wife, while actually they were not, they lost respect to each other. Research shows that those couples who had sex before marriage tend to fight more, with the wife being mistreated and abused.
20. Committing a willful sin
This may not be adultery. But when a spouse chooses to commit sin against God by choice, plan and pre mediation, he/she disconnects himself from the love and life of God. As a result the individuals’ heart is filled by all demons of hell and as such cannot bring peace at home.
By the grace of God, every couple can overcome all these conflicts.